Win $50 guessing fat cat’s weight – it’s easy, fun and everyone can play
By DEREK CLONTZ/ Alachua Community Bulletin Board
A snaggle-tooth tomcat named Teeny is one very fat cat. And if you can guess the flabby tabby’s exact weight, you’ll win a nifty $50 to spend any way you like. Check Teeny out, below, and play to win. E-mail Tubby Teeny’s Weight. First correct guess gets the $50.
Reader Alert: This cat is fat, but don't be fooled - Teeny, below, weighs more. Guess how much and you'll win $50.
“My Teeny’s an armful, that’s for sure,“ chortles Sally Mellerman, who says the porked-up pussums was so small at birth that she didn’t think he would survive the night.
“He’s always been my special baby and I’ve spoiled him rotten along the way. Of course, I don’t have to spoil him too much because he‘s not what you’d call a ‘finicky’ cat.
“Teeny‘s never met a meal he didn‘t like.”
The King Kong kitty – age 8 – starts his day at the crack of dawn with a full pint of sweet cream or half-and-half fresh from the fridge.
That lapped up, tubby Teeny licks his whiskers, burps and steps up to a plate of sizzling smoky link sausages – “four of ‘em,” Mellerman says.
“Teeny reposes to his kitty-box after breakfast and then it’s back to the kitchen for a snack,” she chuckles. “When he was younger I’d give him a quarter stick of butter.
“But he’s older now and I’m a concerned about his heart.
“These days I give him a ’brunch’ of scrambled eggs with his favorite side dish – a Snickers bar ‘nugget’ topped with pancake syrup and those little colored sprinkles like you get at the ice cream shop.
“I suppose Teeny wouldn’t be so fat if he exercised. But he‘s a laid-back cat. After breakfast and his snack, he heads to our game room for a nap.
“At 9 a.m. he‘s thinking food again. You can set your clock by him.”
To help you guess jelly-belly Teeny’s weight, Alachua Community Bulletin Board can reveal that he:
1. Tilts the Toledos at more than 50 pounds, a benchmark set by Katy, a 5-year-old Russian feline who is just slightly heavier than a 6-year-old boy!
2. Sports a 48½ -inch ‘waistline’, which is comparable to that of middle-aged man with a competition-grade beer belly.
“When Teeny walks he rattles the china in my cabinets – and his gut drags the floor,“ confides Mellerman.
“In fact, the friction of his tummy has worn away the carpet and you can see exactly where he goes by following the trails. You can also see that he pretty much travels from food dish to sleeping spot to food dish to sleeping spot.
“I don’t think he’s stepped outside since 2007.“
As Teeny’s day progresses beyond his mid-morning snack, the shivering, quivering, scale-crunching critter continues to feast on a post-breakfast menu that includes:
O 4 to 6 ounces of ground beef that his doting owner forms in the shape of birds, dogs and fish!
O A tin of sardines or smoked oysters with the stinky oil they’re packed in!
O 2 silver-dollar-sized salmon medallions, seared and served!
O 1 scoop Choc-Van-Straw ice cream – and another tablespoon full of Rocky Road!
O 2 more eggs, scrambled, poached or lapped from a bowl – raw!
O A chicken leg or “hot wing”served with dollop of hash browns, a large home frie or a couple of “Tater Tots.”
O 1 small can pork brains!
O 2 Vienna sausages, drained and patted dry!
O 4 Milk Duds chewy candy served in a bowl of milk or cream!
O 1 small can of cat food!
“Teeny wants the same breakfast every day but I’ll mix things up to give him a little variety after than.” says Mellerman.
“Nothing but the best for Teeny. He’s my very special cat!”
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